Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
