Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
