24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize