You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
