Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just googled if crying burns calories
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
