he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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