i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
