Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
