I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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