I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
