2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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