hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i drank out of a bidet.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
