she woke up with a sticky ear
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
