Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
