What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
