Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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