Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
