Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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