My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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