Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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