I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
