I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
