I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
