If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
