I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
