how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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