If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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