I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
