He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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