I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
