who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize