1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
