dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I did not marry a roomba.
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