More tranny stories later!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
