I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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