i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
