Define "chronic" masturbator.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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