I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
