I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
