Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
