i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
