Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
