Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
