I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
