nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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