I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
