So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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