My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
