How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
