There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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