Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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