Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
