There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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