we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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