People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
