ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
