why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
