My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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