We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
