I CAN MOONWALK!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
