My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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