i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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