Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there was a trapeze. enough said
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
