if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
