The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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