If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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