we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
