So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
