It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
