go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
