Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
