Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
