I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
