I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
