it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
