Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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