wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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