Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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