If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize