I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
