I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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