where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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