God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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