I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
