he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
