just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
