i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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