He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize