You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
