Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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