but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
