So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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