My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
