I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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