Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
