Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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