You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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