At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize