Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize