Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize