loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
