Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
