You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
