how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize