So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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