awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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