I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
