Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize